Try Handmade

Shopping blog featuring products made by people not factories.

Modern Lutheran Jello

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Dear Reader,

I’m a Lutheran, and when people ask what kind of Lutheran I usually respond “The Wisconsin kind.” And if they won’t let up I just start singing the Yon Yonson song till they go away.

My name is Yon Yonson
I live in Wisconsin
I work in a lumber mill there.
All the people I meet
when I walk down the street
say “Hello, what’s your name?” and I say:
My name is Yon Yonson
I live in Wisconsin…
(repeat and repeat and repeat)

I really have no idea what synod or sect or cult of Lutheran my family is. I just know that we tend to drink lots of coffee and there are usually at least two kinds of Jell-O at church gatherings. And that we secretly envy the fact that Catholics get to have hard liquor at their family get togethers.
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Valley Of The Dolls Cupcake Tutorial

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Dear Reader,

I was waiting in line at the drive-thru pharmacy window when I realized there were 4 identical mini-vans driven by mothers who were also waiting to get their prescriptions. It was a drug convoy of moms. And the lineup made me wonder, “Were any of us using the drive-thru so that we could be a bit hush-hush about what medicine we were picking up?”

Which is silly. God knows that Xanax has made me a far better mother than Dr. Spock ever did. So if you are one of the folks that need to swallow a little help in the morning, be it for your mood or your sciatica – chin up! And if you aren’t, chances are your neighbor or best friend is. So I’m bringing you all the Valley Of The Dolls Cupcake Tutorial to help kick off this festival of pharmaceutical acceptance. No shame allowed! Only Vodka and candy pills.

If you haven’t read Valley Of The Dolls I must insist you do so as soon as possible, or at least watch the movie. It’s a fun campy story set in the late 1960s Hollywood. And it has quotes that beg to be taken out of context at any opportunity. When your family asks why you’re so darn grumpy in the morning say, “I have to get up at five o’clock in the morning and SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!”

Step 1 – Assemble Your Ingredients.

Pantry Basics

  • Booze
  • Reduced Sugar Yellow Cake Mix and Frosting – Because pills bloat.
  • Fiber – You know why.
  • Candy Resembling Pills – I recommend Good & Plenty and Red Hots.
  • Cupcake Papers – Bake It Pretty has some great ones.

Step 2 – Make Your Cupcakes!

Improvise based on what’s in your booze cupboard. I used the Cake Doctor’s yummy White Russian Cupcake Recipe but replaced her frosting with canned. I’m classy like that.

Step 3 – Decorate!

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After you’ve frosted your cupcakes it’s time to turn them into a dessert worthy of The Valley Of The Dolls. Take a handful of Good & Plenty and sprinkle liberally and haphazardly. Repeat with the Red Hots. Put any extra candy into tiny little white paper cups and offer them to people on a tray with a glass of water when they come to your house.

I put my cupcakes on a vintage pharmaceutical ad premium tray. You can find one of your own by searching the Collectibles section of EBay under Science & Medicine.

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Enjoy! And remember, if anyone is brassy enough to suggest you’ve had enough cupcakes it’s time to start quoting again;

“Who’s stoned? I am merely traveling incognito.”
“There’s juice freaks, and pill freaks, and then everybody’s a freak!”
“This is my happening and it freaks me out!”

Love Lotta

Ice Cube Recipes

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Dear Reader,

I have a huge fondness for ice. The naughty ice cube trick my college roommate taught me. The ice the nurse wrapped up in a diaper for post-birth relief. The Ice I rubbed on my teething baby’s gums. The half melted glass of ice I crunched loudly during my first big fight with my husband. The ice in the water that helped me make a decent pie crust for the first time. The ice that clinks in my glass at the end of the day when the house is quiet and sleepy.

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Gift Guide For Carney Lovers

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Do you know someone who’s favorite book is Like Water For Elephants by Sara Guen? Have they read Geek Love by Katherine Dunn till their paperback has gone soft? Does this friend think it’s a travesty that HBO’s Carnivàle series was canceled? Then you my dear have a true carney lover on your hands.

Chances are one of their favorite sensations is flying weightlessly through the air on a creaky, metal carnival swing. Gift them with this fine art print (above) found in bomobob’s etsy shop, “Summer Dreams”.

The best part of carnivals? The food of course. Corn dogs on a stick, roasted corn, cotton candy and candy apples. Though most of these delicacies are served out of questionable trailer with neon lights, they are impossible to resist. Relive those sticky moments with KcSoapsNmore’s caramel apple soaps. Her shop is filled with other sweet delights like pastel macaroons and brightly colored ice pop soaps.

And keep the taste of that delicious warm funnel cake on your lips with themorbidthemerrier’s lip balm. Best part? You won’t choke inhaling the powdered sugar while you enjoy.

Vintage carnival art is a scrumptious clutter of words and color drawing you into strange and mythical attractions, like YeeHaw’s letterpress poster advertising mule sniffing and Earl the singing chicken.

And while we’re daydreaming of old time carnivals let’s not forget the bearded lady. At last we have access to the secret of her well groomed beard thanks to scodioli’s gorgeously dark Etsy shop.

Don’t leave the fairgrounds without getting your fortune told. I predict a trip, a dark stranger and wealth from a surprising source in your future. These vintage fortune cards from ImagineArt7’s shop were used to fill fortune telling napkin holders. I adore them and often use them myself to tie on top of a gift package.

Always happy to be your sideshow,
Lotta

Gift Guide For Love Seekers

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My sister recently reentered the dating world and I found myself vicariously reliving her first kiss, first love, first embrace moments. And then I remembered the other firsts. The first fight, first awkward moment and the first heartbreak and realized I’m quite content to be her armchair guide to love. Her backseat romance driver.

And so I’ve compiled the best dating and marriage advice I can find via a selection of handmade gifts to give. Perhaps you have a friend or family member poised on the diving board and ready to plunge into the sometimes icy, sometimes refreshing dating pool too?

The best advice I could possible give anyone heading into potential coupledom is “You Must Be Present To Win”. Be your best self and get out there and try! The man or woman you are going to pair socks with for life isn’t going to walk into your living room. (Cable television doesn’t count.) Lulubug Jewelry (featured here and here) has cast that sentiment into a fine silver necklace on a drawn cable chain.

Sometimes the best counsel has been around for years, as is the case with Kurt Vonnegut (one of my favorite authors) and his quote, “There’s only one rule that I know of babies – God damn it you’ve got to be kind.” Captured by Ragamuffin Press on scrumptiously thick paper. Be kind to those you meet, date, and most of all to yourself.

MetalandMud has captured essential advice on simple, upcycled, white plates. The one I would share with my single friends is “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” Let yourself flounder, grasp and stumble in the dark while you look for love. And when you find your mate you’ll see that you also found yourself a bit along the way.

And when you are ready to commit to your love, consider these wedding invitations created in the form of a vintage train ticket by LetterBoxInk. Because my dear, it’s going to be a ride. A beautiful, bumpy, roller coaster of a ride. Buy your ticket, climb aboard, hang on tight and enjoy.

Love,
Lotta