I was quite skeptical of natural deodorant. Although the idea of it being aluminum-free appeals to me. And there is the concept that commercial deodorants are usually antiperspirants, which is unnatural, since humans are supposed to perspire.
Still, thoughts of squiggly, stinky lines engulfing me like Pigpen from Charlie Brown persisted. And I’m running out of spa and beauty products to discuss – though each week a new one seems to appear. So, armed with the idea that in the 90s, horrified though I was by her revelation, my friend who never wore antiperspirant also never smelled bad… I decided I should try it.
The Pits veggie protein deodorant arrived at the beginning of the week, unassuming in its postal wrapper. But the words The Pits sprang out at me. And I was twenty-one again in my head, being grossed out by my friend and his friends, Naval Officers, discussing pit and stink.
Ewww.
I put The Pits on post-shower on a day where I would have little contact with other humans: Monday, alone with potential body odor for six hours. I decided I would stay home and write, lest I become intolerable for contact with other people.
Around 10:00 AM, I decided that veggie protein deodorant is up to the task of keeping a freelance writer sitting behind a laptop on her own porch in 70 degree weather free of body odor. Not much of a challenge really. What about housework?
Three loads of laundry up and down stairs, cleaning out the trash in my car, scrubbing pots and loading the dishwasher and, not stinky. And most interestingly, not uncomfortable. I had imagined with my usual level of exaggeration, sweat pouring down my sides as though I had run a marathon. Clearly, I have been infected by years of television commercials.
By 2:20 PM, a normal day had progressed. And I set off to pick up my child. Being four, she lacks diplomacy. I knew I could count on her to announce any funky odor.
Nada. No mention of smells. She just began eating her snack the moment she got into the car, as usual, and asking about dinner.
4:00 PM, teen stepson arrives home, another non-diplomat. No glaring and asking if I had been working out or moving furniture or anything. No asking if his sister needs a bath or forgot to flush the toilet. Apparently, the deodorant works fine.
7:00 PM, husband arrives home, fairly early for him. Hug on him and wait for him to suggest I take a break and bubble bath. (Only marginally diplomatic, but receives an A for effort.) No polite attempts toward moving me into the shower were made.
Apparently, the deodorant renders me safe for human contact. You know, without anyone jumping back five steps or cringing in horror.
Surviving Monday without incident, I continued on with my aluminum-free, handmade, not an antiperspirant, deodorant experiment. By Friday, I was feeling pretty confident that I would not overpower other humans with body odor and went shopping. I feel it safe to recommend The Pits by Bunny Butt Apothecary, as an alternative to commercial antiperspirant. But not the name. That’s just awful.
