Dear Reader Archives - Try Handmade

Modern Lutheran Jello

March 8, 2018 by Lotta 9 Comments

Dear Reader,

I’m a Lutheran, and when people ask what kind of Lutheran I usually respond “The Wisconsin kind.” And if they won’t let up I just start singing the Yon Yonson song till they go away.

My name is Yon Yonson
I live in Wisconsin
I work in a lumber mill there.
All the people I meet
when I walk down the street
say “Hello, what’s your name?” and I say:
My name is Yon Yonson
I live in Wisconsin…
(repeat and repeat and repeat)

I really have no idea what synod or sect or cult of Lutheran my family is. I just know that we tend to drink lots of coffee and there are usually at least two kinds of Jell-O at church gatherings. And that we secretly envy the fact that Catholics get to have hard liquor at their family get togethers.
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DIY Propaganda

January 10, 2018 by Lotta 2 Comments

Dear Reader,

The walls of my home are decorated with propaganda art. Not the “Loose Lips Sink Ships” variety though. We gravitate towards a subtle and steely push to maintain your good hygiene and manners. My particular favorite is a series called Character, Culture, and Citizenship. It’s a classroom series that came out around 1935. The colors are brilliant and the messages uttered aloud today have an almost ironic, guiding sweetness to them.

My most favorite propaganda style acquisition was inspired by the blogger Sweet Sweet Life. Etsy recently featured her pretty home – where she used vintage alphabet blocks and a wooden doll to create a fantastic vignette. I recommend taking the time to browse Sweet Sweet Life’s Flickr set. But do it after you read this because once you see it you won’t be able to stop nuzzling your screen it’s just that cozy and cute.

Step 1: Think about your message! Be kind and offer your guests or seat. Tell people to put the toilet seat down. Remind yourself to breathe deeply. Say whatever you like, and it will look all the nicer for being spelt out in alphabet blocks. I chose “Keep Calm Carry On” an expression from a wartime poster created by the British Government’s Ministry of Information.

Step 2: Find your blocks! If you’ve got the time, hunt down some great old blocks at a garage sale or swap meet. I ordered mine directly from an Etsy seller because they already spelled out my message. And, well frankly I gained about 10lbs eating corn dogs the last time I went to a swap meet so I’m a little scared to return. You can find them by searching the Supply section of Etsy with keywords like, “Block, words, sign”.

Step 3: Get some glue! I had a hunch that any blocks left lying around would be claimed by one of my children. So I opted to glue them together so they were an obvious decorating item, and not part of the general block miscellanea. This is slightly sadistic, but effective. I recommend using E-6000, but truly any wood glue will do just as well.

Step 4: Apply a small dab of glue to the middle of each block that you are joining. Wait a minute for it to set and then smush together. Sounds obvious, but if you smush too soon you won’t get a good bond. After they’ve been joined – lay them bottom side down and press gently. It’s ok if the letters are misaligned – it adds to the look in fact. But if they aren’t flat on the bottom they won’t be stable when you are ready to display.

Step 5: Join in sections, and then join those sections and so on. I made rows, but didn’t join the rows to each other. That way I can stack or make a long message on a windowsill.

Step 6: Allow them to dry overnight and display!

Love, Lotta

Valley Of The Dolls Cupcake Tutorial

October 8, 2017 by Lotta 12 Comments

Dear Reader,

I was waiting in line at the drive-thru pharmacy window when I realized there were 4 identical mini-vans driven by mothers who were also waiting to get their prescriptions. It was a drug convoy of moms. And the lineup made me wonder, “Were any of us using the drive-thru so that we could be a bit hush-hush about what medicine we were picking up?”

Which is silly. God knows that Xanax has made me a far better mother than Dr. Spock ever did. So if you are one of the folks that need to swallow a little help in the morning, be it for your mood or your sciatica – chin up! And if you aren’t, chances are your neighbor or best friend is. So I’m bringing you all the Valley Of The Dolls Cupcake Tutorial to help kick off this festival of pharmaceutical acceptance. No shame allowed! Only Vodka and candy pills.

If you haven’t read Valley Of The Dolls I must insist you do so as soon as possible, or at least watch the movie. It’s a fun campy story set in the late 1960s Hollywood. And it has quotes that beg to be taken out of context at any opportunity. When your family asks why you’re so darn grumpy in the morning say, “I have to get up at five o’clock in the morning and SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!”

Step 1 – Assemble Your Ingredients.

Pantry Basics

Booze
Reduced Sugar Yellow Cake Mix and Frosting – Because pills bloat.
Fiber – You know why.
Candy Resembling Pills – I recommend Good & Plenty and Red Hots.
Cupcake Papers – Bake It Pretty has some great ones.

Step 2 – Make Your Cupcakes!

Improvise based on what’s in your booze cupboard. I used the Cake Doctor’s yummy White Russian Cupcake Recipe but replaced her frosting with canned. I’m classy like that.

Step 3 – Decorate!

cupcakeclosemeh1

After you’ve frosted your cupcakes it’s time to turn them into a dessert worthy of The Valley Of The Dolls. Take a handful of Good & Plenty and sprinkle liberally and haphazardly. Repeat with the Red Hots. Put any extra candy into tiny little white paper cups and offer them to people on a tray with a glass of water when they come to your house.

I put my cupcakes on a vintage pharmaceutical ad premium tray. You can find one of your own by searching the Collectibles section of EBay under Science & Medicine.

fullcupshot

Enjoy! And remember, if anyone is brassy enough to suggest you’ve had enough cupcakes it’s time to start quoting again;

“Who’s stoned? I am merely traveling incognito.”
“There’s juice freaks, and pill freaks, and then everybody’s a freak!”
“This is my happening and it freaks me out!”

Love Lotta

Ice Cube Recipes

August 17, 2017 by Lotta 10 Comments

Dear Reader,

I have a huge fondness for ice. The naughty ice cube trick my college roommate taught me. The ice the nurse wrapped up in a diaper for post-birth relief. The Ice I rubbed on my teething baby’s gums. The half melted glass of ice I crunched loudly during my first big fight with my husband. The ice in the water that helped me make a decent pie crust for the first time. The ice that clinks in my glass at the end of the day when the house is quiet and sleepy.

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Passive Aggressive Lunch Notes

December 26, 2015 by Lotta 15 Comments

I feel like I’m sending all you lovely readers off on a fantastic voyage with my friend Lotta Svoboda at the helm. I can tell you that you’re going to have a great trip, but you really might want to buckle your seatbelt and brace yourself against the frame of your car…

In this first installment of Crafting with Lotta, she teaches you the fine art of writing notes to your precious wee ones, and in future episodes, well, I don’t have words. Let’s just say that she’s just getting warmed up, and you might want to get your glue gun all heated up, dial ‘9-1’ and hover over that final ‘1’.

Are there projects you just have to learn to do? Leave Lotta notes in the comments, and she just might come to your rescue. And be sure to check out her hilarious blog and fantastic button jewelry as well.

Dear Reader,

When my sister and I were young our mom would occasionally slip little notes into our lunch boxes. She wrote them onto paper napkins with dark magic markers. And they were a magnificent blend of passive aggressive, 70’s parenting lingo and pure love. “Try not to use your stink’n think’n!” or “We love you even if you only sit with one person at lunch today.”

by Digital Paperie

My sister and I were appropriately mortified when we found these gems. And yet our magic marker stained lips would still smile knowing that our mom took the time to connect with us. If you want your children to feel equal parts loved and confused, then this is the craft project for you.

Passive Aggressive Lunch Notes.

Step 1. Pull out a sheet of pretty paper. A little sugar helps the medicine go down you know. So raid your stash of overpriced scrapbooking supplies.

Step 2: Open up your word processing program and select a handwritten font.

Step 3: If you know how to make tables, then good for you! If not – just hit the enter key a few times after each love note. Start typing! Chances are you’ve got a whole collection of sweet nothings ready to roll. But if you need some inspiration, here are a few ditties to get you started;

I think the ham might be bad. Let me know how it goes.
Love Mom

I am the only woman that will ever love you.
Love Mom

I packed your favorite chocolate cake! By the way, do we need to go shopping? I noticed your pants were a little tight.
Love Mom

You are my favorite. Shhh.
Love Mom

Hint: If you don’t put a comma between Love and Mom then you get extra passive aggressive bonus points.

Step 4: Print out your words of wisdom. Use some of those fancy edging scissors to cut the notes out. Then place in a pretty basket near your lunch making station. (i.e. by the peanut butter).

It’s ok if you only think of a few things to write. Getting the same note over and over again only reinforces the love. But if you’re really stuck remember that anything with quotations around it is immediately rendered passive aggressive. For example; You look so “pretty” today!

Love Lotta