Dear Reader Archives - Try Handmade

Darling Dioramas

January 7, 2021 by Lotta 3 Comments

Dear Reader,

When I was in the third grade we were asked to create a diorama that represented a climate, or geographical setting of some kind. The tropics, perhaps a frozen tundra or a mountainous region. Honestly, I wasn’t paying all that much attention. I had just started reading A Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder and there wasn’t anything more riveting to me than reading about Laura and her Pa having to grind up wheat in the coffee mill. Or Ma Ingalls making ice cream out of some snow and maple syrup. Really, these people were geniuses.

The day before the project was due I decided that I would make a Desert scene. Tents, sheiks and the whole shebang. I would use whatever I had on hand – just like the Ingalls. I took out a rusty cookie sheet and filled it with scoops of sand from our sandbox. [Read more…]

DIY Propaganda

October 31, 2020 by Lotta 2 Comments

Dear Reader,

The walls of my home are decorated with propaganda art. Not the “Loose Lips Sink Ships” variety though. We gravitate towards a subtle and steely push to maintain your good hygiene and manners. My particular favorite is a series called Character, Culture, and Citizenship. It’s a classroom series that came out around 1935. The colors are brilliant and the messages uttered aloud today have an almost ironic, guiding sweetness to them.

My most favorite propaganda style acquisition was inspired by the blogger Sweet Sweet Life. Etsy recently featured her pretty home – where she used vintage alphabet blocks and a wooden doll to create a fantastic vignette. I recommend taking the time to browse Sweet Sweet Life’s Flickr set. But do it after you read this because once you see it you won’t be able to stop nuzzling your screen it’s just that cozy and cute.

Step 1: Think about your message! Be kind and offer your guests or seat. Tell people to put the toilet seat down. Remind yourself to breathe deeply. Say whatever you like, and it will look all the nicer for being spelt out in alphabet blocks. I chose “Keep Calm Carry On” an expression from a wartime poster created by the British Government’s Ministry of Information.

Step 2: Find your blocks! If you’ve got the time, hunt down some great old blocks at a garage sale or swap meet. I ordered mine directly from an Etsy seller because they already spelled out my message. And, well frankly I gained about 10lbs eating corn dogs the last time I went to a swap meet so I’m a little scared to return. You can find them by searching the Supply section of Etsy with keywords like, “Block, words, sign”.

Step 3: Get some glue! I had a hunch that any blocks left lying around would be claimed by one of my children. So I opted to glue them together so they were an obvious decorating item, and not part of the general block miscellanea. This is slightly sadistic, but effective. I recommend using E-6000, but truly any wood glue will do just as well.

Step 4: Apply a small dab of glue to the middle of each block that you are joining. Wait a minute for it to set and then smush together. Sounds obvious, but if you smush too soon you won’t get a good bond. After they’ve been joined – lay them bottom side down and press gently. It’s ok if the letters are misaligned – it adds to the look in fact. But if they aren’t flat on the bottom they won’t be stable when you are ready to display.

Step 5: Join in sections, and then join those sections and so on. I made rows, but didn’t join the rows to each other. That way I can stack or make a long message on a windowsill.

Step 6: Allow them to dry overnight and display!

Love, Lotta

Valley Of The Dolls Cupcake Tutorial

September 27, 2020 by Lotta 12 Comments

Dear Reader,

I was waiting in line at the drive-thru pharmacy window when I realized there were 4 identical mini-vans driven by mothers who were also waiting to get their prescriptions. It was a drug convoy of moms. And the lineup made me wonder, “Were any of us using the drive-thru so that we could be a bit hush-hush about what medicine we were picking up?”

Which is silly. God knows that Xanax has made me a far better mother than Dr. Spock ever did. So if you are one of the folks that need to swallow a little help in the morning, be it for your mood or your sciatica – chin up! And if you aren’t, chances are your neighbor or best friend is. So I’m bringing you all the Valley Of The Dolls Cupcake Tutorial to help kick off this festival of pharmaceutical acceptance. No shame allowed! Only Vodka and candy pills.

If you haven’t read Valley Of The Dolls I must insist you do so as soon as possible, or at least watch the movie. It’s a fun campy story set in the late 1960s Hollywood. And it has quotes that beg to be taken out of context at any opportunity. When your family asks why you’re so darn grumpy in the morning say, “I have to get up at five o’clock in the morning and SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!”

Step 1 – Assemble Your Ingredients.

Pantry Basics

Booze
Reduced Sugar Yellow Cake Mix and Frosting – Because pills bloat.
Fiber – You know why.
Candy Resembling Pills – I recommend Good & Plenty and Red Hots.
Cupcake Papers – Bake It Pretty has some great ones.

Step 2 – Make Your Cupcakes!

Improvise based on what’s in your booze cupboard. I used the Cake Doctor’s yummy White Russian Cupcake Recipe but replaced her frosting with canned. I’m classy like that.

Step 3 – Decorate!

cupcakeclosemeh1

After you’ve frosted your cupcakes it’s time to turn them into a dessert worthy of The Valley Of The Dolls. Take a handful of Good & Plenty and sprinkle liberally and haphazardly. Repeat with the Red Hots. Put any extra candy into tiny little white paper cups and offer them to people on a tray with a glass of water when they come to your house.

I put my cupcakes on a vintage pharmaceutical ad premium tray. You can find one of your own by searching the Collectibles section of EBay under Science & Medicine.

fullcupshot

Enjoy! And remember, if anyone is brassy enough to suggest you’ve had enough cupcakes it’s time to start quoting again;

“Who’s stoned? I am merely traveling incognito.”
“There’s juice freaks, and pill freaks, and then everybody’s a freak!”
“This is my happening and it freaks me out!”

Love Lotta

Subversive Chore Chart

May 18, 2020 by Lotta 2 Comments

Dear Reader,

Ask my children to clean something and it’s necessary to anchor yourself to the nearest door frame, lest you be blown away by the gale of whining. But put a poster board chart up on the wall with the promise of stickers for tasks finished and they knock each other over to Swiffer the family room.

In fact, I’ve discovered that stickers make manipulating children so much easier. Put a Dora the Explorer sticker on a banana and suddenly it’s super delicious. “Quick eat the brown, mushy part before Swiper swipes it! Swiper no swiping!” Put Barney on the toilet brush and they’re singing about how they love everyone while they clean the crapper.

But it occurred to me the other day that while placing chores like, “Clean your room”, “Use your manners” on a sticker reward chart was all well and good. I was thinking too small. Surely, there are far better things we can train our children up to do? We need to take advantage of this Pavlovian sticker training and create The Subversive Chore Chart.

Go out and buy yourself a big old sheet of poster board. Everything feels more official to a child if it’s on poster board. Remember when you used to get nervous because the teacher might write your name on the blackboard? Certain items possess magical qualities to children. Chalk, poster board, etc.
Find some crayons or magic markers that haven’t dried out. Baring that, grab some eyeliner or lip pencil to write with.
Make a big deal about drawing up the chart. Act as though you don’t want your children to see it. “Whatever you do DON’T come watch me make this chart!”
Now get yourself some stickers. There are two ways you can go with your adhesives. The sparkly over the top character stickers that burn your eyes. Or, my personal favorite, odd scratch and sniffs. My kids are out of their minds with curiosity as to which smelly sticker I’ll put on their chart next. The scratch and sniff horse stickers perhaps? Because who can resist a horse’s ass that smells like cotton candy? Not my kids. Scratch Santa children. What does he smell like? Credit card debt and peppermint.
Now have a glass of wine and really think about what you wish your children did or said during the course of the day. Not what you think they are supposed to do – what you wish they would do. Legally. Start filling in the blanks!

If I may suggest a few:

Ask mommy, “Have you lost weight?”

Claim to be fed only organic fruit picked by vegans wearing sandals made out of rope and newspapers while in public.

When daddy asks what you did today do not say “cartoons”.

Brag about mommy’s cooking while at Grandmas house.

Challenge daddy to a floor scrubbing match. “Dad, betcha can’t scrub this floor as fast as I can!”

Fetch cold beverages for grownups.

Talk about how flipp’n awesome your mother is while at play dates.

The list is endless really. Have fun!

Love, Lotta

Modern Lutheran Jello

March 26, 2020 by Lotta 9 Comments

Dear Reader,

I’m a Lutheran, and when people ask what kind of Lutheran I usually respond “The Wisconsin kind.” And if they won’t let up I just start singing the Yon Yonson song till they go away.

My name is Yon Yonson
I live in Wisconsin
I work in a lumber mill there.
All the people I meet
when I walk down the street
say “Hello, what’s your name?” and I say:
My name is Yon Yonson
I live in Wisconsin…
(repeat and repeat and repeat)

I really have no idea what synod or sect or cult of Lutheran my family is. I just know that we tend to drink lots of coffee and there are usually at least two kinds of Jell-O at church gatherings. And that we secretly envy the fact that Catholics get to have hard liquor at their family get togethers.
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