Dear Reader,
I was waiting in line at the drive-thru pharmacy window when I realized there were 4 identical mini-vans driven by mothers who were also waiting to get their prescriptions. It was a drug convoy of moms. And the lineup made me wonder, “Were any of us using the drive-thru so that we could be a bit hush-hush about what medicine we were picking up?”
Which is silly. God knows that Xanax has made me a far better mother than Dr. Spock ever did. So if you are one of the folks that need to swallow a little help in the morning, be it for your mood or your sciatica – chin up! And if you aren’t, chances are your neighbor or best friend is. So I’m bringing you all the Valley Of The Dolls Cupcake Tutorial to help kick off this festival of pharmaceutical acceptance. No shame allowed! Only Vodka and candy pills.
If you haven’t read Valley Of The Dolls I must insist you do so as soon as possible, or at least watch the movie. It’s a fun campy story set in the late 1960s Hollywood. And it has quotes that beg to be taken out of context at any opportunity. When your family asks why you’re so darn grumpy in the morning say, “I have to get up at five o’clock in the morning and SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!”
Step 1 – Assemble Your Ingredients.
- Booze
- Reduced Sugar Yellow Cake Mix and Frosting – Because pills bloat.
- Fiber – You know why.
- Candy Resembling Pills – I recommend Good & Plenty and Red Hots.
- Cupcake Papers – Bake It Pretty has some great ones.
Step 2 – Make Your Cupcakes!
Improvise based on what’s in your booze cupboard. I used the Cake Doctor’s yummy White Russian Cupcake Recipe but replaced her frosting with canned. I’m classy like that.
Step 3 – Decorate!
After you’ve frosted your cupcakes it’s time to turn them into a dessert worthy of The Valley Of The Dolls. Take a handful of Good & Plenty and sprinkle liberally and haphazardly. Repeat with the Red Hots. Put any extra candy into tiny little white paper cups and offer them to people on a tray with a glass of water when they come to your house.
I put my cupcakes on a vintage pharmaceutical ad premium tray. You can find one of your own by searching the Collectibles section of EBay under Science & Medicine.
Enjoy! And remember, if anyone is brassy enough to suggest you’ve had enough cupcakes it’s time to start quoting again;
“Who’s stoned? I am merely traveling incognito.”
“There’s juice freaks, and pill freaks, and then everybody’s a freak!”
“This is my happening and it freaks me out!”
Love Lotta
